It's being jealous of what you could have
OR MAYBE JEALOUS OF WHAT STILL COULD BE.
Being 'secretly' jealous is
miserable, confusing, and not
usually secret.
What we're really jealous of
are the feelings we'd expect to have about ourselves, in a reality where their successes were actually our successes.
Fill in the blank example:
of other peoples' successes that might trigger your jealousy:
"I wish I felt the way their __________ must make them feel about themselves."
-
Achievements
-
Passion for work
-
Career changes
-
Promotions
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Lifestyle
-
Worldly Travels
-
Financial Success
-
Unique Stories
-
Life stage
-
Responsibility
(Management or lack of them)
-
Natural Giftedness
-
Photogenicity
-
Popularity
-
Family Closeness
-
Multiple Friend Groups
-
Great Coworkers
When we ignore jealousy,
we're ignoring an opportunity
to prevent mental-emotional break down
and self-esteem crises that start out with
patterns like these:
01
Insecurity
Your jealousy is like a fog; it creeps in slowly and makes you feel all anxious and out of sorts with yourself. Sometimes you know what caused it, other times it's a mystery. You start thinking, "If only I were better, did more, or tried this instead of that, I'd feel as great about myself as that person probably feels about themselves.” You give your all, but it never seems enough to capture that healthy self-esteem glow they get from their achievements.
02
Indecision
03
Jealousy-induced indecision feels like navigating a minefield of potential failures. You're too smart and creative to copy someone else's path to success; you want your own. But, each decision feels like a make-or-break moment, with the fear of messing up and missing out on opportunities if you choose wrong. You're motivated to achieve big things but stuck in an indecisive loop, unable to commit to the next steps.
Avoidance
Jealousy triggers rumination and a forced decision: maintain distance from others' successes to protect your fragile sense of self, or risk feeling belittled, in your own efforts to show them the real support and validation they deserve. To avoid self-loathing and spreading negative vibes, you withdraw, leaving loved ones to question your emotional availability. You genuinely care, but prioritize shielding yourself from potential self-esteem threats.
04
Overcompensation
Jealousy triggers actions and words that feel out of character, leaving you puzzled like, "Where did that even come from? Why did I say that out loud?” Your zoning out during success stories, interrupting, and engaging in conversations without valuable input annoys those around you. Friends who stick around chalk up your behavior to “ADHD vibes,” a more convenient excuse to laugh off than admitting the real issue with jealousy. Despite the desire to change, you don’t know how or where to start.
If you can relate to any or all of these situations, I feel for you.
Seriously.
Now, let's do something about it.
Jealous much?
JOIN THE CLUB. SUBSCRIBE TO MY EMAIL LIST.
BECAUSE SEEING THEIR SUCCESS DOESN'T HAVE TO TRIGGER YOUR DISTRESS.
DISCOVER HOW JEALOUSY CAN BE MANIPULATED FOR PERSONAL SUCCESS.